Question list

36 questions to fall in love, in the order the study used

This is for two people who want a proper conversation, not a quiz score. It works for a date, a long-distance call, or two people who already know each other but keep circling the same safe topics.

The idea comes from Aron et al. 1997: pairs worked through three sets of twelve questions built around escalating self-disclosure. In the popular version, the questions are followed by four minutes of quiet eye contact.

These are not the published questions, and they are not near-copies. This is this site’s own set, modelled on the same shape: easy first, then personal, then harder to say out loud.

Play it live instead of reading it out

The 36 Questions is the live version: one of you makes a room, the other joins with a four-letter code, and you play it together on two screens. Free, no sign-up.

Make a room How the game works

36 questions to fall in love set one for easing in

Start here. These are still personal, but nobody has to hand over the worst thing that ever happened to them in question two.

01If you had to spend next Saturday with no plans and only a little money, what would you do first?
02What small talent or niche bit of knowledge do you wish people asked you about more often?
03What place makes you calmer almost as soon as you arrive there?
04What meal from your childhood would you serve someone if you wanted them to understand where you came from?
05What ordinary, minor thing can ruin your mood faster than it probably should?
06When you walk into someone’s home for the first time, what do you notice before anything else?
07What job would you try for one month if training, money and competence were all handled?
08What opinion of yours has softened in the last few years?
09Which version of you would your friends from ten years ago have trouble recognizing?
10What are three small things you think the two of us seem to handle in the same way?
11If your older self had to answer one question honestly, what would you ask?
12If the next year of your life had a title, what would it be, and why?

36 questions that lead to love set two for deeper answers

The middle set is where the answers start needing more care. Don’t rush to the next question just because there’s a list in front of you.

01What are you proud of, but still find hard to admit out loud?
02When do you feel most useful to other people?
03What promise to yourself do you keep making and then failing to keep?
04What compliment do you remember because you needed it at the time?
05What part of your family life do you defend, even though it was complicated?
06What do you do when you want closeness but don’t want to ask for it directly?
07What memory has changed size as you’ve got older, becoming either much larger or much smaller than it used to be?
08What kind of care makes you feel seen rather than managed?
09What do you worry people misunderstand about your ambition?
10What loss, grief or absence do you rarely explain because the full version takes too long?
11When someone loves you badly, what do you tend to forgive first?
12What would I need to know to be a good friend to you on a hard week?

36 questions arthur aron style set three for honest disclosure

This is the exposed end of the list. If a question lands too heavily, pause there rather than making a neat performance of it.

01Finish this sentence: “One thing I haven’t known how to say lately is…”
02Tell me one thing you suspect I’ve already got right about you.
03What do you hide when you’re afraid someone might leave?
04When have you been the problem in a relationship and known it at the time?
05What do you need reassurance about more often than you ask for it?
06What belief about yourself are you trying to stop treating as a fact?
07Describe a time you disappointed someone and still think about it.
08What would you miss about your current life if it changed in the way you say you want?
09What are you scared I might judge you for if you answered honestly?
10What apology, either given or received, would still matter to you now?
11If we became important to each other, what pattern of yours should I understand early?
12What do you want me to remember about you after this conversation?

Getting the most out of them

Make enough room for it

Plan on about 45 minutes, and longer if you both talk properly. This does not work well between other tasks.

Both answer every question

Take turns going first. The point is not to interview one person; it’s that both of you take the same small risk.

Use follow-ups sparingly

One or two follow-up questions can help. Turning it into cross-examination will not. If someone says, “I don’t know yet,” let that be an answer for a moment.

Finish with the four minutes

If you’re on video, try the quiet eye contact at the end. If you’re audio-only, sit in silence together. It will feel longer than four minutes.

Questions about this list

Do these questions really make people fall in love?

No list can make that happen on command. The Aron study was about creating interpersonal closeness through reciprocal self-disclosure, not forcing romance. The questions can give two people a better chance of being honest and attentive, which is different.

What did the 1997 Aron study actually test?

Arthur Aron and colleagues tested a structured closeness exercise. Pairs answered three sets of questions that became more personal as they went. The version most people know ends with four minutes of eye contact, which is why the exercise feels so different from normal small talk.

Are these the original 36 questions?

No. The published questions are not reproduced here. This is an original set written for this site, using the same broad structure: twelve lighter questions, twelve deeper ones, then twelve that ask for more direct disclosure.

Can I get a 36 questions to fall in love pdf?

There isn’t a separate PDF here. If you want a paper version, use your browser’s print option or copy the questions into a note. The important part is the order and the time, not the format.

Can we do the 36 questions online?

Yes. If you don’t want to manage the turns yourself, The 36 Questions on Two Player Room runs it live in a browser tab for exactly two people, one question at a time. You can sit on a call beside it.

Should we skip questions that feel too personal?

You can, but don’t skip every hard one. The escalation is the point. A better rule is to pause, say what makes the question hard, and then answer at the level you can manage honestly.