The 36 Questions, properly paced
- Players
- Exactly 2
- Time
- About 45 minutes
- Cost
- Free
- Account
- Not needed
In 1997 Arthur Aron and colleagues put pairs of strangers in a room and had them work through thirty-six questions that escalate in intimacy, followed by four minutes of unbroken eye contact. The pairs reported feeling closer to each other than many people feel about their closest friends. One pair got married.
This is that structure, built for two people who aren't in the same room. Three sets of twelve, one question on screen at a time, and it doesn't move on until you've both actually answered. The questions here are written for this app rather than copied from the published study, but the arc — light, then personal, then genuinely exposing — is the one the research uses.
Play The 36 Questions now
Make a room, send the code to one other person. It takes about ten seconds and there’s nothing to sign up for.
Start a roomHow to play
- 01
Set aside the time
It's roughly forty-five minutes and it doesn't survive being rushed. Get on a call somewhere you can both talk properly.
- 02
Work through set one
Twelve easy ones. Nobody has to be brave yet — this part builds the floor you'll stand on later.
- 03
Answer out loud, then tap
Say your answer to each other first. Tapping "I've answered" only moves things on once you've both done it, and you can un-tap if you spoke too soon.
- 04
Don't skip set three
The last twelve are the point. The first twenty-four exist to make them possible.
- 05
Finish with the four minutes
The study ends with four minutes of eye contact in silence. It's deeply uncomfortable and it's the part everyone remembers.
Good for
- A new relationship that's still all small talk
- Two friends who've known each other for years and never asked
- Long-distance, where you have time but nothing to do with it
Questions
Are these the original 36 questions?
They follow the same structure — three sets of twelve, the same escalation, and the study's distinctive formats like the "we" statements and the closing exercise — but the wording is written for this app rather than reproduced from the published list.
Does it actually work?
The study found reliable increases in reported closeness. It isn't magic; it works because sustained, matched self-disclosure is how closeness forms, and the questions just make that happen on purpose.
Can we stop partway?
Yes, any time, and you can skip individual questions. It'll tell you how many of the thirty-six you got through.
Is it only for couples?
No. It works on friends, siblings and colleagues. The questions are about disclosure, not romance.
Play The 36 Questions now
Make a room, send the code to one other person. It takes about ten seconds and there’s nothing to sign up for.
Start a room